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20 most recent entries

Date:2006-05-11 15:38
Subject:vision hindered, mist setting low like a ghostly ballet
Security:Public
Mood: creative

I suppose it's time for a blog. Been awhile. I haven't had any of the strong bursts of emotion that usually illicit a blog from me. So I apologize for being out of touch.

So, where to begin? I've been feeling lately like I don't let my creative side have enough of my free time. I haven't really written anything (worth reading) in a year or two. I haven't painted for about a year now. Even my stinking web design is lacking... I haven't touched it in... months? So I decided today that I'm going to try my hand at making jewelry. I doubt either of them reads this but I'm going to start with some earrings for my bridesmaids. I'm pretty excited about it. I may start tonight.

Music has been affecting me more lately than it has in awhile. I've always been easily moved by music... Even though I'm not so emotional in most ways, music just does it to me. It seems that lately a song can make or break my day. Strange but true.

Saw a picture of a certain someone today. Brought back memories. But... I'm happy to say that I didn't feel the twinge that I used to when I saw him. I felt more of a "thank GOD I didn't end up with that."

Now let's talk about the wedding. It's basically all planned. I'm excited. It's awesome. I can't believe I'm finally happy.

Sorry that this blog is so disjointed. I have a lot of thoughts running through my head right now.

And I'm starting to feel melancholy.... Don't ask me why. Nevermind, I know. It's this music...

It's almost time to leave work.

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Date:2006-03-28 14:44
Subject:I know that you don't need nobody. Are you sure you're that sure about me?
Security:Public
Mood: mellow

So, here I am again.  I've decided to use livejournal for awhile because it's the blog that's currently linked to my website, jenniferlongbrake.com.  I may repost them on MySpace also... if I remember.

I suppose since this is my first entry since finally getting the site up, it'll be a general information entry.

I decided to finally do something with the domain I've been sitting on forever.  My reasoning?  Well, it depends on my mood when asked.  I really want an outlet (other than MySpace) for my creativity.  I'm getting pretty sick of MySpace, actually...  I also wanted a place to organize all of my stuff... Poetry, prose, photography, painting, etc.  Also, I don't really have any projects right now.  And if you know me, you know I have an inane ability to complicate my life.  :)

So...  Life is good but life is busy.  I'm ready for the busy part to be over.  Let me outline it for you.  Monday, go to work, go to the gym.  Tuesday, go to work, go do slides for Axiom.  Wednesday, go to work, go to dinner with parents, go to class, go to the gym.  Thursday, go to work, facilitate girls' group.  Friday, go to work, go to the gym, do something else.  Saturday, no work!  But undoubtedly, errands.  Hopefully something fun on Saturday night.  Sunday morning, teach first grade for 10:45 service, go do whatever, usually relaxing, attend Impact service at 6pm.  Go out to dinner, go home and crash. 

As you can see, I don't have much time for the extras.  Though, somehow I manage to work on my website, read at least a book a week, learn some web stuff, study/homework, read the Bible and hang out with Evan.  Mostly, I chalk it up to not getting much sleep.  :)

I'm still working at the same place and I still love my job.

Evan's still awesome, though we've been rocky lately.

I'm ready for March to be over...

I want to go home and take a nap.

Yes, I realize I'm whining.

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Date:2006-01-03 16:19
Subject:time seems to drip like Dali
Security:Public
Mood: contemplative

2005 in Review.

Oh, what an interesting year.

January started off with wedding plans. The infamous Zeb... (his number is (253) 592-0866; prank call him!) I suppose this section will be for those who met me more recently. I was engaged to be married and some time in March, I was dumped on my ass and left with a lot of bills to pay off... including my ring. At time of said dumping, I was employed by Blockbuster, or as I like to call it, Lackluster Video (thanks, Family Guy!). I hated that emeffing place. The only reason I was still there is because I was moving to Washington after I got married. And I had benefits and the job would transfer with me. So, after being dumped, first order of business was to find a new and better job... one that would pay off debt and be more enjoyable.

Enter, Proficient Performance. I suppose I shouldn't voice all of the issues I had with them but I will anyway. Number 1, I got the job for $10.00 an hour. It was a basic customer service job and $10.00 was about fair, I must admit. About three weeks (if I remember correctly) after I started, the other guy in my department quit. So I was left alone and half trained... in essence, I was the customer support department and the shipping and receiving department. I also took on all of his work. And I started working 7-5 (those were my official hours but most times, I worked later). I was having some personal problems and needed to move out of my house. I talked to my boss about my future with the company. He took it as me wanting a raise. He discussed it with the other "managers" and I ended up with fifty cents more which would start when I hit my 30 days. Then he had the balls to tell me that if I hadn't asked for a raise, I probably would've gotten more. Oh, you know, I never even mentioned my worst issues with them. When I was hired, I was lied to about payroll... I had no idea that I'd be an independent contractor and end up owing a shitload of taxes. Woohoo, right? I was told that they were getting benefits at the next quarter which was about 3 months after I started. I left a month after the benefits were supposed to start... Did they? I think you can guess the answer to that. You know, I had a ton of issues and quite honestly, I'm getting bored listing them all. In short, let me just say that Proficient Performance will never flourish until they learn how to treat their employees. They overworked me and burnt me out. Then they acted like I was ungrateful when I quit. They also lied to me about the tax situation. They're very weird about their pay rates but get all pissy when they can't find quality people to hire. Maybe someday they'll learn that if they just pay a little bit more, they can get some good honest people in there who will work hard.

Okay, onto the best thing that's happened to me this year: Evan. I love him with all of my heart and I know he feels the same way about me. I've never been happier in my life. I feel like I finally did something right. We have so much in common and are able to share everything. I've never had so much fun just sitting and talking with anyone. I've also never met anyone who pushes me to follow my heart and pursue my dreams as much as he has. Thanks to him, I feel more alive and confident about myself than I ever have. I don't know how to put all of the other things I'm saying into words... I hope everyone I know is able to meet someone so wonderfully suited to them someday. He's supportive, sweet, loving, caring, funny, has good taste, a good sense of humor, intelligence and he knows how to have fun without compromising what he stands for.

Now onto J2. This is, by far, the best job I've ever had. I'm an office manager for a company called J2 Retail Systems, Inc. I do the purchasing, payroll, order entry, invoicing, inventory management and about a million other things. I make more than twice what I made at Lackluster Video. w00t.

I've managed to escape 2005 accident free! I had two horrible accidents the year before.

Finally, to explain the title of this blog. It's actually a lyric from Anberlin, from the song Autobahn. "Time seems to drip like Dali." Salvador Dali is an artist and he did a painting of melting clocks (an example shown below). I won't go into a discussion of the painting but that's how my year has felt. It started out with heartache and, in the end, I'm left with only good memories. Music, fun, love and laughs. I learned and grew so much through this year that even the bad memories are turned good because they all taught me something.

I hope each of you has had as good a year as I have.


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Date:2005-12-29 11:08
Subject:there goes somebody's miracle walking down the street
Security:Public
Mood: angry

Dave Spencer. I don't know much about him, other than what I saw in an interview on O'Reilly factor. Disclaimer: I know nothing of Bill O'Reilly's political affiliations (though he must be conservative because my dad watches his show) and have no idea why he had this man on his show. Onward...

Dave Spencer was convicted twice of child molestation. The first time he was convicted, he got only 5 years of probation. The second time, he got five years imprisonment. The idiot had the balls to complain that the laws (in Iowa, I believe) were too strict for registered sex offenders. (The laws being that you can't live within a certain distance of a school, etc.) O'Reilly made a good point. He'd affected the lives of two young children. He'd quite possibly handed them lives of ruined relationships and trust or control issues. Those kids will be in therapy for years. And if he was only caught twice, how many times did he get away with it? And the asshole is complaining about it being hard to live with the laws... What a JACKASS. Honestly... He should be in jail for the rest of his life. Then he wouldn't have to worry about finding a place to live. Ugh. I have no tolerance left for the self-righteous losers who think that the world owes them something... Especially this man who molested small children. He claims he's rehabilitated and should be able to live wherever he wants. NO. You molested kids. You shouldn't be allowed anywhere near them.

Then (and this is the part that really pisses me off), he claimed that it was EVERYONE ELSE'S fault that kids get molested. That we (yeah, that's right, you and me) are the ones who let it happen because we haven't taught our kids how to avoid this. Uh, NO. You're a fully grown adult. You molested those kids of your own accord. It's not a sickness, you bastard. It wasn't something you couldn't help. You're just a stupid creepy old man.

Does anyone else get what I mean? Sigh. This world is going to hell.

Here is this man's profile.

Here is his picture.

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Date:2005-12-22 11:47
Subject:hang my head, drown my fear, till you all just disappear
Security:Public
Mood: angry

Here's an article I read on p2pnet.net. (See the original here.) I don't agree with EVERYTHING they said but I think it's definitely important that people hear these things.

Just to summarize, the Big Four are going after a 14 year old, a mother of five and a disabled mother, living on a disability pension... among some 17,000 others... for file sharing. But has anyone even noticed that no one has gone after them for their placement of root-kits on (I believe it's) 51 albums discovered now? (Read about it here.) They're installing shit on OUR computers that can cause us to have serious potential weakenesses in our security and THEY'RE suing US?! Because they say that file sharing is causing them to "lose sales"?! Why the hell would we want to buy their low-fi tracks for up to a dollar a piece online when they're treating US, the consumers, in such a fashion?

Anyway, here's the article...

If you're a Christian, December 22 is a mere three days before Christmas, the season of good will and good cheer. And even if you're not, it heralds a holiday, a time to kick back and give and receive presents and generally relax and have fun.

Unless you're Organized Music, Sony BMG, Vivendi Universal, EMI or Warner Music, the Hard-Core Big Four corporate record labels, that is. Because there's certainly no goodwill or good cheer there.

And unless you're Patricia Santangelo, the New York mother who epitomizes the 17,000 or so Americans who have so far been victimized by the Big Four, and all in the name of the bottom line.

On December 22, she'll be stand alone and unrepresented in a New York court for an "In Person" conference with judge Mark D. Fox in Elektra v Santangelo --------- or, more properly, Patti Santangelo versus the Elektra Entertainment Group, Virgin Record America, UMG Recordings, BMG Music and the disgraced Sony BMG Music Entertainment company.

This morning , "Patti is resolved, is she?" - my wife asked. "Yes," I said. "She knows exactly what she's letting herself in for. She knows about Cecilia Gonzalez." And she also knew about Brittany Chan, a 14-year-old scgoolgirl, and Tanya Andersen, a disabled mother living on a disability pension who've also been singled out by the cartel for special treatment.

"It's terrible, really, having to think of this just before Christmas," says Patti. "It's exhausting to have to be thinking and worry about this at any time of the year, but just before Christmas?"

But as she also told p2pnet today, "This isn't just for me. It's for all those other people as well."

Sony won't be under any stress, of course. It has legions of highly paid lawyers taking care of bidnes and the Sony bosses, such as Andy Lack (upper right), will be thinking of other things, including the official launch of the corporate Mashboxx 'p2p' application (for which Lack is a prime mover) beta.

But that's not the case for Santangelo. She'll all too soon be standing by herself in the first of the Organized Music extortion cases to actually come to trial.

"Laws were written to protect people, not to give huge, multi-billion dollar mega-corporations a way to terrorize them," we wrote recently. "Will the law work equally well for an ordinary person with no heavyweight legal team and no unimaginably vast financial resources behind her?

"Patricia Santangelo will find out …"

And she'll find out on behalf of the millions of people around the world who, totally disgusted by the labels' scurrilous treatment of them, and of the flagrant overcharging for low quality mp3 digital music tracks worth only a few cents, have made their disgust known by refusing to have anything to do with iTunes, RealNetworks, Sony Connect, Napster and the handful of other music download and rental sites backed, supported and supplied by the Big Four and the hundreds of labels they own.

Instead, online music fans have gone from being mindless, cash-cow 'consumers' to customers, again, people exercising free choice by turning in their hundreds of millions to the p2p networks and independent sites, a practice Organized Music is determined to crush by any and all means, including suing its own customers.

Santangelo flatly refused to give in to OM extortion. Judge Colleen McMahon turned down her appeal to have the RIAA case dismissed, the lawyers who'd been working with Santangelo up until then pulled out.

Now this mother of five children will face the international music industry by herself, and with no legal or financial resources to back her. And what happens to her will eventually reflect directly back on you if, one of these days, you too are selected for victimization.

The RIAA, used by the Big Four to attack victims, is short for Recording Industry Association of America. But if course, it's no more American than are the Organized Music members themselves - Sony BMG (Japan, Germany), Vivendi Universal (France), EMI (Britain) or Warner Music (US, but run by a Canadian).

The RIAA is a dedicated propaganda weapon designed to terrorize customers and influence the media, as are all the other pseudo-trade organizations such as the IFPI, ARIA, CRIA, BPI, and so on.

It's successful in planting vast quantities of disingenuous dis- and misinformation releases full of claims that people who share files are thieves; that it's losing untold amounts to file sharing; that its workers and support staff are being laid off in droves because of file sharers; that the artists its owners have under contract are also suffering.

It's nonsense. All of it.

Files are shared, not stolen. Nothing has been taken and no one has been deprived of anything.

The Big Four say their vicious, and bizarre, sue 'em all marketing campaign is driving people away from the p2p networks and independent sites which are springing up as the labels' first, and only, competitors.

Edgar Bronfman jr, the Canadian who runs Warner Music, claims the, "five-year legal fight against unauthorized downloading or sharing of songs is starting to pay off after thousands of music fans were sued and file-sharing companies such as Grokster Inc. were shut down"

In fact, at the least, 51 million people in America alone currently share music with each other via the p2p networks, and the number is going up, not down. In the US in November, 2004, on average, 5,445,275 people were simultaneously logged onto one or more of the p2p networks at any one time, says p2p research firm BigChampagne.

By November this year, the number had risen to 6,530,408.

But the sue 'em all campaign isn't confined to America. Music lovers around the world are also being persecuted by Big Four enforcement organizations identical to the RIAA and which, like the RIAA, claim their terror tactics are having a marked effect.

However, this, too, is a complete distortion of reality,

Globally, the number of people sharing at any given moment in November, 2003, was 4,392,816. By November, 2004, it had reached 7,452,184 and by this November, the figure was 9,168,812.

Patti is a working mother with five children to take care of. She doesn't even begin to have the kind of money or resources she'll need to take on the multi-billion-dollar labels on by herself.

From today and until Patti and a jury of her peers decide Organized Music has gone too far, our Sunday will be devoted solely to the Patti Santangelo Fight Goliath campaign and stories centering on the Big Music sue 'em all scandal.

We'll be posting updates, together with details on how you can make donations directly to Patti, and other things you can do to help.

Because she's not alone. There are hundreds of millions of people behind her, all of whom can chose not to continue supporting the Organized Music sue 'em all campaign by not buying Sony BMG, Vivendi Universal, EMI or Warner Music 'product,' as they correctly term the cookie cutter, lo-fi tracks they're trying to palm off for $1 and up each.

Sandro in Canada was the first volunteer. He provided the Fight Goliath domain name.

What can you, where ever in the world you are, do to help? Patti will need ongoing financial support and possibly some expert back-up in terms of how the RIAA puts its claims together and if they hold up technically. We'll try to find out what Patti will need the most.

So stay tuned and within the next few days, we'll tell you what you can do.

They depend on us. We don't depend on them. Bug the hell out of your local congress person, MP, or whoever is supposed to represent you, wherever you are. Use emails, snail-mail, phone calls. And if you're into organizing, organize petitions, organize demonstrations and then turn up on your local political rep's doorstep, making sure you've contacted your local tv/radio station/newspaper in advance.

Jon Newton - p2pnet

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Date:2005-10-14 12:11
Subject:tell me is that what you want, to make up your life
Security:Public
Mood: numb

The light from the window is fading
You turn on the night
The sound from the avenue's calling you
Open your eyes

And when you find
You're spending your time
Wanting for words
But never speak
You tell yourself
That the things you need come slow
But inside, you just dont know

My, my, my
Let your bright light shine
Let your words live on
Far beyond this life
Beyond this life

Hold on to anything
Everything's over and done
Has the fear taken over you
Tell me
Is that what you want
To make up your life

Time after time
You're falling behind
Hold on to me
Never leave
Forever be
What you mean to me right now
Don't you feel better now

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Date:2005-09-25 17:23
Subject:well I've been holding on tonight.
Security:Public
Mood: bored

So my friend AJ and I were hanging out today. We realized that we're bored with our lives. There's so much more than just working and going to school. Yeah, I know I have a great life... Wonderful job, great boyfriend, I just found my focus in life and have picked a major and recently gone back to school, taking classes at night... I have a nice car, will be moving out soon. Things are generally pretty perfect.

I've realized that I spend a large amount of my time in thought lately. I'm always wondering what's missing. I should be happy right? Things are virtually perfect, as I stated above. Yet I find myself depressed and down. A lot. Too much. I'm not sure of the reason of my depression... (It makes me want to start painting again. I think maybe I will.) I thought maybe it was that I didn't have many friends other than my boyfriend... But this weekend, I hung out with three different friends, as he was out of town. I immensely enjoyed myself and had a great time watching So I Married An Axe Murderer with my new friend Jenn (w00t!) on Saturday night and seeing my friend's band, Manakin (www.manakinmusik.com-- check it out, they rock) at The Roxy on Friday night with Katie (and going to the Hustler store!). I had a great time just exploring Long Beach and San Pedro with AJ today, too. So it seems that it's not my lack of friends... I'm not alone, I'm surrounded by great, genuine people. However, I don't have really deep relationships with anyone but Evan so I don't know... maybe that has something to do with it. I don't really have any friends that I'm REALLY extremely close to.

Anyway, that brings me back to AJ and I talking about how we're bored with our lives. I need some excitement. I need a major change. AJ and I talked about travelling... I just went to San Francisco and Berkeley with Evan. That didn't seem to help, though it WAS a lot of fun. AJ and I talked about getting some friends together and maybe going on a cruise or something. I think that would be awesome. A Caribbean cruise is pretty expensive but a Mexican cruise is all about booze and drinking and sex so we sort of decided against that. We talked about people we'd invite, and if you're one of them, I'll get in touch with you shortly about whether you're interested and what our options are. We need to start saving... AJ mentioned Spring Break but I'm not sure that will work because all of the different colleges have different Spring Breaks. So I'm thinking maybe next summer? Let me know if you have any ideas or input... Anyway, the point of all of that was, if you're reading this, if I know you and if you're interested, let me know. It would be lots of fun.

I guess the whole point of this blog is that I'm depressed and feel unfulfilled, even though I have a great life. I don't know, maybe it's chemical.

I miss Evan. It's almost time to pick him up at the airport.

Sigh.

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Date:2005-09-14 17:06
Subject:Roses really smell like poo.
Security:Public
Mood: bored

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:Jennifer Lynn Longbrake
Birthday:October 22, 1984
Birthplace:Fountain Valley, California
Current Location:Yorba Linda, California
Eye Color:Blue, green, grey, hazel... they change all the time.
Hair Color:Strawberry-blonde.
Height:5'6"
Right Handed or Left Handed:Right
Your Heritage:I'm a mutt.
The Shoes You Wore Today:Brown leather Reef sandals.
Your Weakness:Cheesecake.
Your Fears:Not ever being truly happy. Not succeeding at my dreams. Not following God's will or fulfilling His plans for me.
Your Perfect Pizza:Extra cheese
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Spend more time with my creative side.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:haha
Thoughts First Waking Up:Ew, it's morning.
Your Best Physical Feature:I've heard lips, hair and eyes.
Your Bedtime:It varies... Around 10 pm.
Your Most Missed Memory:Mmm... ask me.
Pepsi or Coke:Diet Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:McDonald's
Single or Group Dates:Both
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:Latte!
Do you Smoke:Not anymore.
Do you Swear:I try not to.
Do you Sing:Daily
Do you Shower Daily:Duh
Have you Been in Love:Yeah...
Do you want to go to College:I'm IN college.
Do you want to get Married:Yeah.
Do you belive in yourself:Absolutely.
Do you get Motion Sickness:Nope.
Do you think you are Attractive:Moderately.
Are you a Health Freak:Lately.
Do you get along with your Parents:Most of the time. Just don't mention politics...
Do you like Thunderstorms:Oh so much.
Do you play an Instrument:Working on guitar... slowly. Haha.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Nope
In the past month have you Smoked:Nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date:Lots!
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Yep
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:Nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:Today, for lunch actually!
In the past month have you been on Stage:Uh, no.
In the past month have you been Dumped:Nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:Nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:Nope
Ever been Drunk:Nope
Ever been called a Tease:CALLED one, yes. Never in actuality BEEN one.
Ever been Beaten up:Nope
Ever Shoplifted:Nope
How do you want to Die:Quickly... no suffering
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Happy.
What country would you most like to Visit:Italy or Spain
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Blue or green.
Favourite Hair Color:Eh...
Short or Long Hair:Longish or styled.
Height:Taller than me.
Weight:A healthy one.
Best Clothing Style:Just not a thug! And make sure your clothes fit!
Number of Drugs I have taken:No illegal ones.
Number of CDs I own:omg way too many...
Number of Piercings:5... two in each ear, one in my nose.
Number of Tattoos:None yet... But my mom, dad and I are all going to get one together! :)
Number of things in my Past I Regret:Talk to me sometime if you really want to know...

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

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Date:2005-09-08 00:24
Subject:Life is like an hourglass, glued to the table.
Security:Public
Mood: blah

Just wanted to post some pics from my trip to Northern California. I suppose I'll only post the ones that turned out well. Feedback would be nice.













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Date:2005-08-22 11:16
Subject:A generation without a voice
Security:Public
Mood: crazy



You Are a "Don't Tread On Me" Libertarian



You distrust the government, are fiercely independent, and don't belong in either party.

Religion and politics should never mix, in your opinion... and you feel opressed by both.

You don't want the government to cramp your self made style. Or anyone else's for that matter.

You're proud to say that you're pro-choice on absolutely everything!



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Date:2005-08-05 13:52
Subject:I adopted a llama!
Security:Public
Mood: excited

Hi name is Llamaface. You can pet him and play with him. (He plays chase)


my pet!


Also, I'm going to Disneyland tonight and Evan's aunt and uncle are taking us to the Blue Bayou (the restaurant you pass by when you're on Pirates of the Caribbean). I'm really excited about it. He's really close to them.

Time to go... Pet me llama!

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Date:2005-08-04 12:55
Subject:sugar, we're going down swinging
Security:Public
Mood: bored

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Jennifer Lynn
2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? An indianish skirt and black tank top.
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Fall Out Boy
4. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU ATE? a burrito and chips
5. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? huh?
6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? orange
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? pretty warm
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Evan
9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? Well no one sent it to me but I copied it from Michelle... Mini Me. Haha.
10.! HOW OLD ARE YOU TODAY? 20
11. FAVORITE DRINK? Diet Coke
12. FAVORITE SPORT? hockey to watch, volleyball to play
13. HAIR COLOR? strawberry blonde.
14. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? nope
15. SIBLINGS? Mork and Mindy? Hahaha
17. FAVORITE FOOD? cheesy anything.
18. WHAT IS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? uh... The Devil's Rejects?
19. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? April 17.
20. WHAT DO YOU DO TO VENT ANGER? lots of different things... depends on what kind of anger.
22. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer
23. HUGS OR KISSES? both
24. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? swirl
25. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO E-MAIL BACK? yup
26. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Jill or Lou
27. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Evan. hahaha. He probably won't even read this.
28. WHO DO YOU MOST WANT TO RESPOND? I don't care
29. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? my parents, puppies and me... and sometimes Evan.
30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I dunno.
31. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? backpacks and dufflebags and stuff.
32. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Out of people I actually talk to and stuff, I'd have to say Natalie right now... We're going on, what, 6 years?
33. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? went ot church
34. FAVORITE SMELL? Burberry something for men
35. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? God and my family.
36. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? nothing really.
37. PLAIN, BUTTERED OR SALTED? depends on what we're talking about...
38. FAVORITE CAR? Acura TL, Chrysler 300C, Pontiac G6, MY Scion tC.
39. FAVORITE FLOWER? hydrangea
40. NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? four... work, car, home and filing cabinet.
41. CAN YOU JUGGLE? maybe
42. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? Saturday
43. WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? had some friends meet me at BJs
44. HOW MANY STATES HAVE YOU LIVED IN? one
45. HOW MANY CITIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN? two
46. HOW MANY COUNTRIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN? one
47. HOW MANY CARS HAVE YOU HAD & WHAT WAS THE FIRST
CAR THAT YOU HAD? two... '98 Toyota Corolla (got totalled), '05 Scion tC now :)
48. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Fountain Valley

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Date:2005-07-25 19:09
Subject:death is all around
Security:Public
Mood: numb

A friend of mine died today.  I'm not going to act like she was my best friend but I felt close to her.

Her husband bought her a new bike (motorcycle) in the last month or so.  They were on a ride last Sunday (not yesterday) and all of the sudden she slumped over her handlebars.  She then, veered left and hit the center divider and then flipped over into the fast lane on the other side of the freeway.  It's a miracle that she wasn't hit.

Her injuries were just ridiculous.  The bike virtually sliced into her.  It split from between her legs up into her pelvis and broke her pelvis and hips.  She also crushed one arm and one leg.  She had 4 12 hour surgeries and we were told that she'd fully recover as long as she didn't get any infection.  I didn't get to see her but my dad was in to see her last week.  He came home and could hardly talk about it because it was THAT MUCH WORSE than we were led to believe.  But she was coherent and seemed to be doing just fine.

Today, her husband called and was upset because she started hallucinating and freaking out and her blood pressure was high and he hadn't been able to see her all day.  Then, we received a call during dinner (from another friend of ours) that she had passed away.  It came as a huge shock since she was doing so well and we heard that she'd most likely be okay.

It's hard, when someone dies, to accept it when you don't even know what the cause was.  I stated ealier that she slumped over the handlebars before she crashed.  The doctors never determined whether she had a stroke or a heart attack or what.  Maybe it was just heat exhaustion.  Maybe not.  Maybe she died from the injuries she sustained during the crash.  Maybe not... Maybe it was the stroke or heart attack or whatever the hell that was that caused that crash that killed her.  It's hard to let go, not knowing.

I can't even imagine what her husband is going through.  I can't even compare my three month relationship to their 20 (or maybe 30) something years of marriage and try to fathom what he must be going through.  I can't begin to understand what a living hell it is for him right now when she and I weren't the closest of friends and I'M hurting like crazy.

I know where Laura is now and that there's no more pain or worries or sadness on her end.  All I can do is pray for Mark.  That definitely leaves me feeling helpless. 

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Date:2005-07-09 17:04
Subject:don't tell anyone.
Security:Public
Mood: bored

FIRSTS

First Car - 1998 toyota corolla... just got totalled on 12/02/04

First Real Kiss - um. derek stillmunks in 10th grade

First Break Up - july of the summer after 10th grade

First Screen Name - pollywog10

First Self Purchased Album - ha. that was a looooong time ago...

First Funeral - aunt bernice?

First Pet(s) - uzi, i think. a little mutt.

First Peircing/tattoo - ears the day before i turned 1

First Credit Card - VISA, age 17

First True Love - not sure really.

First Enemy - becky brewer

First Big Trip - i was like 3 and my mom and i went to texas and memphis and louisiana and mississippi.

First Music you remember hearing in your house - no clue

LASTS

Last Car Ride - about 45 minutes ago.

Last Kiss - evan about three minutes ago.

Last Good Cry - over my EX job. :)

Last Library Book - no clue.

Last Beverage Drank - diet coke

Last food consumed - pizza from macaroni grill.

Last Crush - evan :)

Last Phone Call - last night... evan i think

Last Shoes worn - brown leather sandals

Last item bought - pizza at macaroni grill

Last annoyance - people screwing things up DAILY for me at my last job.

Last time wanting to die - eh...

Last time scolded - by my EX boss.

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Date:2005-07-09 16:51
Subject:I'm holding on but letting go of you
Security:Public
Mood: ecstatic

So I got a new job. I'm ridiculously excited... It's for a retail systems company. They make those little touch screens you see at restaurants. I'm going to be the administrative assistant to the general manager of the whole company! The US side, at least. Also, it's six bucks more an hour than I was making at my last job. OMG, can you even believe it?! Also, it's closer to my house... in Tustin... and also, when I move out, the housing in Tustin is SO cheap and it's still a nice part of Orange County. I'm so stoked. And with six bucks an hour more, I'll totally be moving out soon. As soon as I pay the bills that jerk face left me with.

Went to DyDy's wedding last Saturday. She looked wonderful. And genuinely happy. It made me feel good to see her so happy. I wish her (and Adam) all the best. And Evan dressed up for the wedding and looked SO cute. And we danced our first dance together. :) Sigh. Evan rocks. Am I still allowed to be this happy after three months? Things are going so great for us... Romantically abnd otherwise. He got an awesome job, I just got an awesome job. We both make really good money now. It seems like things are finally on the right track for me. Let's hope it continues that way.

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Date:2005-06-27 20:17
Subject:All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right.
Security:Public
Mood: cranky

I'm now looking for a job once again. The how's and why's aren't too important... I quit, wasn't happy.

I have five interviews tomorrow. 8:30 is Anaheim, 10:30 is Irvine, 12:30 is Lake Forest, 2:30 is Newport Beach, 5:00 is Tustin. That's a full day of driving around in Orange County and selling my wares.

I also have a second interview on Wednesday, hopefully, for an administrative assistant position... to the VP of purchasing in a huge company. I would be corresponding, by email, with our vendors in China. Probably good money, that one. And it sounds interesting.

What's nice is that every interview I have is for at least 4-5 bucks more than I was making. And I'm sure I'll have a job within two weeks... By the end of this week if I really want to rush it.

I realized, after I quit, that I haven't been unemployed since I started working when I was 15. I've always gotten a new job before I quit the current one. I guess that shows how fed up I was?

I have to talk about Evan too... He's been so supportive through this. I really don't know what I'd do without him. Sometimes you can't make it on your own.

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Date:2005-06-20 22:16
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: complacent

Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff
You’re telling me and anyone
You’re hard enough

You don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I… that’s alright
We’re the same soul
I don’t need… I don’t need to hear you say
That if we weren’t so alike
You’d like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

I know that we don’t talk
I’m sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me – when – I -
Sing, you’re the reason I sing
You’re the reason why the opera is in me…

Where are we now?
I’ve got to let you know
A house still doesn’t make a home
Don’t leave me here alone...

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
Sometimes you can’t make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

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Date:2005-05-24 09:12
Subject:You kiss me like an over dramatic actor who's starving for work with one last shot to make it happen
Security:Public
Mood: determined

I really hate it when I don't know how to express myself in words.  When I can't explain how I'm feeling.  Words used to be me.  It seems I've lost that.

I also really hate that now, in the happiest time in my life, no one I know can be happy for me.  I've literally never been happier.  But it seems that my parents and friends are too narrow-minded to just accept it.  It's funny that those who preach tolerance so rarely practice it.

That aside, I couldn't be happier in my current situation.  I know I've been saying something to that effect for about two months now... But it's true!  Although I'd like a little more money at work, I can't complain about that situation.  I'm basically the only person in my department and I work at least 10 hours a day.  When someone else is hired, I'm the boss.  Plus, I love the people that I work with.  And we have a dog in the office!  It doesn't get any better than that. :) 

Also, Evan is just too amazing.  I never knew it could be like this.  I didn't know I could feel so much.  And I can't believe I still get butterflies after seeing him 65 days in a row.  No one has ever had this kind of effect on me.  And to go 65 days in a row without any kind of major fight?!  ME?!  Who woulda thought?  He supports me and loves me the way I am.  If I didn't improve at all from who I am now, he'd be happy with me.  He encourages me and inspires me to pursue my dreams.  He is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I see nothing but good things in store for us.  He just got a great job, I just got a great job.  Our jobs are near each other.  We have pretty much the same priorities and goals in life.  Just to be happy.  And we are.  Right now.  Hopefully for a lot longer than just right now.

Okay, no more gushing... Some things I'm looking forward to:  I'm going to start working harder on improving my painting skills.  Once I get some stuff I feel is worth showing, I'm going to try to get it in a gallery.  I have a couple in mind...  I'm going to gather a bunch of my writing and write some more and try to get it published.  Even if I self publish it.  I'm going to move out!  Hopefully by the end of the year.  I'm going to re-write my business plan to include my current earnings (for the coffeeshop / venue) and situation.  Lastly and most importantly, I am now determined to make sure that above all, I'm happy and that no one (friends, family, strangers) can take that away.  They no longer have a say in my happiness.  From now on, it's all me folks.  You wanna screw up my day?  My life?  Fat chance.

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Date:2005-04-28 13:24
Subject:DO IT
Security:Public
Mood: curious

01. who are you, what's our relationship:
02. how and where did we meet:
03. what's my middle name:
04. how long have you known me:
05. tell me one good thing about myself:
06. when you first saw me what was your impression:
07. my age:
08. birthday:
09. my favorite band at the moment:
10. colour eyes:
11. do i have any siblings:
12. have you ever had a crush on me:
13. what's one of my favorite things to do:
14. do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:
15. describe me in 3 words:
16. name 5 things i love:
17. do you think i'm good looking:
18. how would you describe me to someone:
19. would you ever date me:
20. tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did:
21: what do you like most about me:
22: if we could spend a day together what would we do:
23: have we ever gotten in a fight:
24: do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years:
25. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:
26. What do you think my weakness is?
27. Do you think I'll get married?
28. What makes me happy?
29. What makes me sad?
30. What reminds you of me?
31. If you could give me anything what would it be?
32. When's the last time you saw me?
33. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
34. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
35. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
36. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
37. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
38. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
39. Would you make a move on me?
40. Do I cross your mind at least 1 time a day?

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Date:2005-04-25 12:32
Subject:Life is good.
Security:Public
Mood: indescribable

I'm so happy.  Loving life so much right now.  It seems like everything is finally going the way I want it to for once.

I love my new job.

I still love my new nose piercing.

I should be moving out in a few months.

Still enjoying my new 'relationship.'  On that front... Wow, so hard to describe...  I just never knew I could feel this way.  I can't believe I can say that when I almost got married.  What was I thinking?  I can't believe things can be this great.  I'm just in awe.

It's strange how my art suffers when I'm happy.  Do other people have this problem?  When Zeb and I broke up I was painting all the time.  Now that I'm happy, I don't paint anymore.  And I haven't written anything in quite awhile... I'm not sure why I quit writing though.  I think I just got busy. 

I'm gonna be in my friend Carrie's wedding.  That's exciting!  I'm so glad she's found a great guy who makes her happy.  She deserves it.  And the wedding is gonna be awesome.  I have to wear purple (plum actually) but I'll get over it.  I dunno if I'll get over spending $160 on a dress I'll never wear again... But it's okay.  Carrie's worth it.  Oh and the reception's going to be in my backyard.  That's going to be awesome.  I can't wait. 

So, in conclusion, life is good.  I'm happy.  Ridiculously happy.  Life is good.  Job is still fun.  Love life is GREAT.  Car rocks.  I've done a lot of rambling.  I have so many thoughts bouncing around in my head.  It's hard to organize them into something coherent.

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